My father recently passed away, leaving behind my 85 year-old mother. Until recently, she was 100% self-sufficient, but now she’s in declining health and I need to hire an aide to help care for her. Do you have any helpful hints? asked by Michelle, Illinois

Hiring an aide is a very important part of the caregiving process, and it’s worth taking the time to do it right. Don’t hire the first person that comes along. Your aide needs to be a good personality match with your mother. After all, they’ll be spending countless hours together. In the best-case scenario, an aide could become like a new member of your family.

Be clear what you expect from an aide. Before you interview anyone, know when you’d like the aide to start the job and how many hours he or she will be needed. Make sure to make a list of the specific work and activities you have in mind. Also pre-determine any requirements you have, and make sure to include those questions in the interview process. Does the aide have to be a non-smoker? Does he or she take medications that could hinder performance? Does he or she have any allergies? Does he or she understand your mother’s dietary needs? Ask about educational background, training, and former jobs. Inquire about strengths and weaknesses. I always check at least three references. Also, if the aide is coming from an agency, I also interview the supervisor, who might enter the home at some point as well.

I suggest hiring someone who has experience with the elderly, someone who really understands how to keep your mother’s sense of dignity and pride intact as time passes. Your mother is an individual who still needs kindness, and she still needs to be spoken to as an adult. It’s also important that an aide knows how to cook, and I don’t mean warming a can on the stove or popping something in the microwave. Fresh food is higher in nutrition, and cooking it in your mother’s home can create smells that trigger positive long-term memories.

Before you make any final decisions, be sure to consider your mother’s opinion so that the aide is the right fit. Once you’ve hired the aide, include a day’s pay for orientation. Determine a daily and weekly schedule right away so everyone can get started on the right foot.