Sexy, single and sixty: the “grey divorce” trend

Tips for the senior divorcée

At the age of 66, Hollywood actress Helen Mirren made international headlines for winning an online poll for “Body of the Year”, beating out Elle Macpherson and Jennifer Lopez. Meanwhile, Giorgio Armani was photographed wearing a tiny black Speedo on a beach in Spain, looking so buff you will be forced to rethink not only 77-year-olds, but Speedos as well.

If you are part of the baby boom generation, you are redefining old age. With that comes a whole new way of thinking about the so-called senior years. When faced with ‘freedom 55’, boomers are increasingly choosing freedom from their spouse.

The Tipper point

Al and Tipper Gore sent shock waves through the press in 2010 when they announced the end of their 40-year marriage. How could they? Why would they? Ageism snuck into news stories everywhere, as young journalists struggled to understand why married people would choose to leave their partners as they head into old age.

Looking back, when Tipper casually mentioned to the media that good old Al gave her a Weedeater for her birthday, perhaps it was a cry for help.

Husbands like wet leaves

People change and many long-married couples fail to change together. Over the years you develop separate interests, lose romantic interest in each other and may no longer even enjoy one another’s company. The Japanese call mature divorce jukunen rikon and blame it on bored, retired husbands driving their wives crazy by clinging to them like “wet leaves”. At a point when the previous generation moved into separate beds, you may want entirely separate lives.

Statistically speaking

According to divorce lawyers, the middle-aged and elderly are the fastest-growing segments of their clientele. Despite an overall decline in divorce rates in Canada, the over-50 crowd is the only age group experiencing more divorces. In a 2007 report, Maclean’s magazine reported that the divorce rate for those over 65 had doubled since 1980.

A survey by the American Association of Retired People in 2004 found that sixty and seventy-year olds appreciate life after divorce more than other age groups, claiming that they enjoy their independence and sense of identity. When asked to describe their motivation for divorcing, both men and women cited “freedom”, “identity” and need for “fulfillment”.

Tips for wives that walk

The biggest concern however, particularly for women, is the money issue. Over decades of marriage, a couple might accumulate enough assets for a shared retirement, but not necessarily enough for two people to live apart with two homes, two cars and separate lifestyles. The following are tips to consider when planning a late-in-life divorce.

• Don’t get hung up on the house

  If you keep the house and let your husband have the investment portfolio, all your risk is in the real estate market. This is particularly precarious if you still have a mortgage or an agreement to pay your ex interest on his share of the house equity. If real estate prices plummet, you could end up owing more than the house is worth and there goes your retirement plan.

• Do review your estate plan

  Replace the beneficiaries on your retirement plan, your investment accounts and insurance policies. If you don’t already have life insurance, you may wish to invest in some now in order to offset any taxes or liabilities on your estate.

• Don’t let divorce ruin your business

  If you are an entrepreneur and have built a successful business, the last thing you want is to have to sell it in order to pay your ex out, or worse: find yourself making management decisions with your ex and one day his new partner. It’s likely that your business will be included as part of the marital assets that will be split between you and your ex. Talk to a professional financial advisor about the best way to handle the transition of your business.

• Do be prudent

  While your financial affairs are getting sorted out, it’s wise to be especially restrained in spending until you find your equilibrium and how much a divorce settlement will provide. You may need to find new sources of income to fund your newly single retirement, which for many women, is not as daunting as it sounds and may even prove to be incredibly rewarding. Just be aware of how your income may affect any government-sponsored retirement benefits.

• Don’t forget about debt

  Later in life, you have less time to retire those debts, which will end up owing on your estate. Who gets the car is one thing, who makes the car payments is another. Make sure your divorce settlement addresses how any outstanding debt will be handled on current liabilities and in the future.

• Do consider sharing ownership of some assets

  If the divorce is amicable, you may want to continue to have joint ownership of an investment portfolio or have a percentage-based ownership structure. This allows you both to continue to participate in a well-diversified investment plan and not have to sell assets, which might incur capital gains.

• Don’t forget health insurance

  If you’ve always been on your husband’s company policy, you need to find a private source of medical insurance and rates can be high for those of a ‘certain age’.

• Do take your time and get professional advice

  You’ve built a lifetime of investments, assets and a retirement plan with another person - unwinding this will probably take some time.

Words of wisdom

The beauty of today’s grey divorces is that they are seen as beginnings, not endings. Margaret Mead, a writer and anthropologist who died in 1978, was of the view that every woman needs three husbands: one for youthful sex, one for security while raising children, and one for joyful companionship in old age. Well, even if you may have missed out on one of the first two, you’ve still got plenty of time to find the last one. Carpe diem!

 

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